Tag Archives: weird news

Bizarre Discoveries, Crazy Exes, and the Worst Use of Fried Chicken Ever

29 Apr

The world is a strange place, which is why I don’t get surprised by stories like these.

The first story is about a 70-year-old Italian man who did get a surprise. The man was feeling in the mood for a little female company, and thought he would hire an escort. In an attempt to be discreet, he decided to look outside his home city of Treviso and find an escort in the neighbouring city of Vicenza. When he met the beauty he received a bit of a shock.

The escort was his son’s girlfriend.

Two things need to be pointed out at this juncture. Firstly, the man did not have a fatal heart attack, which surely would have been on the cards. Secondly, the surprised pair wisely decided not to go ahead with their ‘transaction’.

Given that his son had been under the impression that his girlfriend was a waitress, the man decided to let him know that her employment involved serving more than just pizza and pasta. How did the son react? By fighting his father. Talk about shooting the messenger.

Perhaps the most bizarre part of all is that four years later, the father and son are now in court, because the son is suing the father for injuries sustained during the fight. Finding out your girlfriend is a hooker and getting beaten up by a 70-year-old man? That, my friends, is what you call a bad day.

A little further north, another elderly man made a shocking discovery. Fisherman Bjorn Frilund, 64, caught himself a lovely 5kg cod in the waters off his hometown of Eidsbygda in western Norway. When gutting the fish, Bjorn removed the usual items from its stomach, such as half-digested food, but also removed something he had not seen in a fish in all his years in the trade: a bright orange dildo.

It’s unclear whether the dildo belonged to the fish, the Italian escort, or some other third party, but it certainly gave Bjorn something to talk about at the pub that night. Interestingly, Bjorn told reporters that, “the dildo looks like what the fish eat”. Um, what are they feeding fish in Norway? Or perhaps I should ask what kind of kinky fish do they breed there?

Next time Bjorn, please wear some gloves, okay?

The reports didn’t detail what happened to the dildo. I imagine Bjorn has it tied to the end of a fishing rod in an attempt to catch more cod.

Here’s a tip for anyone wanting to get revenge on an ex-lover: don’t do what Torz Reynolds did. The Londoner had to say goodbye to her boyfriend of two years, Stuart ‘Chopper’ May, because he had to move to Alaska for work. Or so she thought. Soon after their teary airport farewell, she made her own shocking discovery: that Chopper was still living in London, with a girl with whom he had been having a 6 month affair.

Now, it’s fair to say Reynolds made a few mistakes. The first was not changing her name the second she turned 18. (Torz? Really?) The second was dating a guy nicknamed ‘Chopper’. The third was to get a tattoo on her arm that read, ‘Chopper’s Bitch’ (at least she got the apostrophe in there). But her greatest mistake was how she sought revenge on her cheating ex.

Reynolds sliced off her tattoo – skin and all – and mailed it to Chopper.

As Reynolds explains, “I packaged it up so it really did look like a present. I even used different handwriting so he’s have no idea that it was me…I can’t imagine what his reaction was. I wish I could have been there to see it.”

I’m no expert, but my idea of getting revenge does not involve self-mutilation. She didn’t even use anaesthetic! And the worst part is that if her ludicrous actions had any impact on Chopper, she would never know because she wasn’t there to see it.

Photos of Reynold’s ‘gift wrapped’ tattoo. Anyone else surprised she actually got the apostrophe correct?

She says she now has closure, and that Chopper knows “never to mess” with her. Why is that, in case she mutilates herself further? I’m starting to understand why Chopper concocted an elaborate tale of moving overseas to avoid this woman.

Perhaps their relationship would have lasted if this following new product was available when their love was flailing. A florist in Kentucky, US, has partnered with KFC to create a product that frankly should have been on the market for years: a KFC chicken corsage.

In case you are wondering whether your instincts are incorrect, it is exactly how you imagined it: a corsage for the girl to wear to prom that has beautiful baby breath flowers – and a piece of deep fried chicken.

“It goes well with your French fries necklace.”

Whilst your first question is no doubt, ‘Why?’ (if it’s ‘Where can I get one?’ then we have a problem), the next might be, ‘How would you match the corsage to your dress?’ Well there’s good news on that front; the corsages come in Original Recipe, Extra Crispy, or Kentucky Grilled Chicken, so you can accessorise with ease. What I want to know is what happens when you finish eating it. Do you spend the rest of the night with greasy bones dangling off your wrist? Not a good look.

More to the point, what message, exactly, are young men hoping to send their dates with this product? Here’s some chicken to stick to your arm because I know you can’t last until dinner without some saturated fat?

Hopefully the chickens used for the corsages aren’t from Norway, otherwise when the young ladies bite into them, they might discover something inside that will send them an entirely different prom night message.

Creative Ways to Beat the Economic Crisis

15 Jun

In these tough economic times, people are having to be more and more creative to make ends meet.  However some are more creative than others.

Natalie Dylan, a 22 year old from San Diego, was looking for a way to raise money to pay for a university degree.  Her solution?  Auctioning her virginity.  Yep, she picked up the phone and called the Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada (“the Classy State”) who were accepting online bids for the unique prize.

An actual sign outside the Moonlite Bunny Ranch

And how much does it cost to have a bite at the cherry so to speak?  The winning bid was a staggering $5.4 million.  Financial crisis my ass.  For that sort of money she’d better cook a damn good breakfast the next morning.  I’d be stealing robes and bath soaps from her house as well.

Natalie said that she got the idea after watching her sister raise money for her own university degree.  Don’t worry, I know what you’re thinking but no, Natalie’s sister didn’t do anything as crazy as auctioning her virginity.  She simply became a prostitute for three weeks.  Mr and Mrs Dylan must be so proud.

A Danish woman has come up with an even more bizarre way to beat her economic blues.  The unnamed 61 year old entered a Nordea Bank branch in Svendborg, Denmark, and handed over 2000 Kroner of Swedish bills.  The bank teller then exchanged the money for 1400 Danish Kroner.  Nothing unusual about that… except that the bills the woman handed over were from the game Monopoly.  Wow.  Here’s hoping banks worldwide adopt a similar policy.

The bank’s manager, Ulrik Feveile, was quoted as saying that, “As long as humans are involved, mistakes will happen”.  I think that even if a monkey was working at the bank that day it would not have made that particular error.

Mr Feveile defended his employee, calling him an “inexperienced” bank teller as though that absolved him from accepting as legal tender a small piece of funny coloured paper with ‘Monopoly’ and ‘Parker Brothers Games’ written on it.  Any more “inexperienced” and he’ll start taking money made from chocolate.  I reckon if I turned up with a sack full of dirty laundry he’d accept it as long as it had a big green dollar sign painted on the side.

Having evidently rolled a double and feeling lucky, the woman returned to the same branch the next day and tried the scam again, only to get caught by the bank teller (who presumably was more “experienced” than his colleague) and promptly arrested.  She was sent directly to jail and was not allowed to pass Go.

The woman has reportedly told authorities that she was forced into the counterfeit operation by a third party.  Police are currently on the look out for a man with a large white moustache wearing a top hat, tails and a monocle.  A stake out is planned on the corner of Mayfair and Park Lane.

Do not approach this man – he is considered armed and dangerous.

The real victim of this crime?  The poor bastard who went to the ATM to withdraw cash and instead received Monopoly money.  The only thing worse than that would be coming second in a beauty contest.

As for the woman, she was charged for theft with bail set at $20,000 Kronor.  Rumour has it that to raise bail she has contacted the Moonlite Bunny Ranch to auction her virginity.

The Mayans Didn’t Predict This

30 Dec

The Mayan calendar ended this month, which some took as a prediction of the end of the world.  I think it’s more likely that the guy who invented the Mayan calendar simply thought that making it last until 2012 was a good enough job which, I think we all can agree, is probably fair.  It’s certainly better than how long my iPhone battery lasts.

In any event, the world hasn’t imploded or appeared to have changed at all.  Which is great to know, because it means that the world’s population continues to do stupid things and get into strange situations, which provides us with wonderfully weird news.

Take this guy for example.  Tomasz Paczkowski, of Elbag, Poland, thought he would impress his girlfriend by doing some ironing.  He was having a few drinks and watching some boxing as he went about his chores, when the phone rang.  Sadly, Mr Paczkowski is not great at multitasking.  Distracted – possibly with wondering how his name contains both an ‘sz’ and a ‘czk’ – he answered the phone and put it to his ear.  At least that’s what he thought he was doing.  What he actually did was put the red-hot scalding iron to his face.

As Mr Paczkowski explained, “Trouble was, [I got] so involved in the boxing that I wasn’t really thinking about what I was doing.  So when the phone rang I picked up the iron by mistake and pressed it to my ear.”

Either this guy is the world’s worst multitasker, or he’s the most committed disciple of the theory that if you do a job poorly, your girlfriend won’t ever ask you to do it again.

The less stupid Iron Man

The less stupid Iron Man

Over in New Zealand, a hospital reacted to a strange situation by administering some even stranger medication.

Sixty-five year old Denis Duthie was rushed to Taranaki Base Hospital after suddenly going blind in both eyes.  The staff quickly realised that the vodka he had been drinking had reacted with his diabetes medication, causing formaldehyde poisoning.  The only way to treat formaldehyde poisoning caused by the vodka?  By administering ethanol – the type of alcohol found in alcoholic beverages.

To alcohol: the cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!

To alcohol: the cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems!

However a problem quickly emerged: there was no medical alcohol in the hospital, so the registrar had to run to the local bottle shop and pick up a bottle of whiskey.  Interestingly it took her exactly as long as it would take to run to her desk, open her drawer, and return.

The hospital staff administered the whiskey directly into Mr Duthie’s stomach, and in five days he awoke, his vision completely restored.

One can only assume that this was the first ever case of someone being blind drunk and having alcohol pumped into his stomach.

Another guy who sounds like he might need some medical attention is the US federal worker who was officially reprimanded for excessive farting in the workplace.

The unnamed worker received a five page letter outlining the times and dates of his farting, as well as the effects his flatulence was having on his work colleagues.  As a result of the employee “[disrupting] the work floor by passing gas and releasing an unpleasant odor”, the official reprimand charged the employee for “conduct unbecoming a federal employee”.  It my books, that behaviour constitutes conduct unbecoming anyone.

You know you've got a problem when you receive a letter like this.

You know you’ve got a problem when you receive a letter like this.

The official reprimand came after conversations about the problem with several of his managers, including in performance discussions.  Despite these warnings the behaviour continued, and the letter ‘let rip’, outlining sixty specific incidents that were described variously as “uncontrollable flatulence” that had created an “intolerable” and “hostile” work environment, “releasing [of] the awful and unpleasant odor”, and “continuous releasing of your bodily gas and the terrible smell that comes with the gas.”

Who says that public servants can’t get in trouble for farting around?