Creative Ways to Beat the Economic Crisis

15 Jun

In these tough economic times, people are having to be more and more creative to make ends meet.  However some are more creative than others.

Natalie Dylan, a 22 year old from San Diego, was looking for a way to raise money to pay for a university degree.  Her solution?  Auctioning her virginity.  Yep, she picked up the phone and called the Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada (“the Classy State”) who were accepting online bids for the unique prize.

An actual sign outside the Moonlite Bunny Ranch

And how much does it cost to have a bite at the cherry so to speak?  The winning bid was a staggering $5.4 million.  Financial crisis my ass.  For that sort of money she’d better cook a damn good breakfast the next morning.  I’d be stealing robes and bath soaps from her house as well.

Natalie said that she got the idea after watching her sister raise money for her own university degree.  Don’t worry, I know what you’re thinking but no, Natalie’s sister didn’t do anything as crazy as auctioning her virginity.  She simply became a prostitute for three weeks.  Mr and Mrs Dylan must be so proud.

A Danish woman has come up with an even more bizarre way to beat her economic blues.  The unnamed 61 year old entered a Nordea Bank branch in Svendborg, Denmark, and handed over 2000 Kroner of Swedish bills.  The bank teller then exchanged the money for 1400 Danish Kroner.  Nothing unusual about that… except that the bills the woman handed over were from the game Monopoly.  Wow.  Here’s hoping banks worldwide adopt a similar policy.

The bank’s manager, Ulrik Feveile, was quoted as saying that, “As long as humans are involved, mistakes will happen”.  I think that even if a monkey was working at the bank that day it would not have made that particular error.

Mr Feveile defended his employee, calling him an “inexperienced” bank teller as though that absolved him from accepting as legal tender a small piece of funny coloured paper with ‘Monopoly’ and ‘Parker Brothers Games’ written on it.  Any more “inexperienced” and he’ll start taking money made from chocolate.  I reckon if I turned up with a sack full of dirty laundry he’d accept it as long as it had a big green dollar sign painted on the side.

Having evidently rolled a double and feeling lucky, the woman returned to the same branch the next day and tried the scam again, only to get caught by the bank teller (who presumably was more “experienced” than his colleague) and promptly arrested.  She was sent directly to jail and was not allowed to pass Go.

The woman has reportedly told authorities that she was forced into the counterfeit operation by a third party.  Police are currently on the look out for a man with a large white moustache wearing a top hat, tails and a monocle.  A stake out is planned on the corner of Mayfair and Park Lane.

Do not approach this man – he is considered armed and dangerous.

The real victim of this crime?  The poor bastard who went to the ATM to withdraw cash and instead received Monopoly money.  The only thing worse than that would be coming second in a beauty contest.

As for the woman, she was charged for theft with bail set at $20,000 Kronor.  Rumour has it that to raise bail she has contacted the Moonlite Bunny Ranch to auction her virginity.

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