Zombeavers: The New Sharknado?

11 Feb

As regular Hesaidwhatnow? readers will be well aware, Sharknado is one of the greatest movies of all time.  Any time you see former Beverly Hills 90210 supporting star Ian Ziering flying through the mouth of a flying shark with a chainsaw and coming out the other end, you know you are watching cinema greatness.  These are moments that shape our lives.

Well grab your chainsaw and get ready to suspend your belief in a huge way again, as we might be in for some more greatness.

The good folks at top tier studios Armory Films and BenderSpink have conspired to bring us a new film, Zombeavers.  What is a ‘zombeaver’ you might ask?  Well, it is the stuff of nightmares: zombie beavers.

You'd better believe that's a bad movie poster pun!

You’d better believe that’s a bad movie poster pun!

I know what you’re thinking: “A movie about zombie beavers?  Well it’s about time.”  Yes it is, and if the trailer is any indication, the wait has been worth it.

As you might expect with a budget horror film, the usual rules are adhered to.  A bunch of college students go away on a trip together in a cabin in a small town, spooky enough that something bad is bound to happen, and secluded enough that no one can rescue them – except maybe the random (and in this case, extremely creepy) local that they bump into.  Said college students are hot, meaning plenty of excuses for nudity and innuendo.

And with that standard template an extraordinary vision is realised.

"Wait - that's not my shoe."

“Wait – that’s not my shoe.”

Here are some highlights from the trailer:

–        Three hot girls in two and a half bikinis have no problem making chit chat with a creepy stranger who is carrying a massive gun.  No surprise that Creepy Guy makes the first of what no doubt will be many of the film’s very unsubtle beaver puns.  In fact, they manage to squeeze two of them into the 90 second trailer.

–        After killing a vicious beaver, the guy pulls a classic horror movie error and leaves it out on the porch instead of disposing of it properly.  Yep, that won’t come back to bite you.  Literally.  Although in fairness, it’s probably not anyone’s fault that they didn’t anticipate a beaver coming back to life as a bloodthirsty zombeaver.

–        Apparently a beaver dam on one road is enough to prevent a car of students from leaving town.

–        There are some cracking lines, but the best is easily, “We cannot turn against each other right now.  That is exactly what the beavers would want.”  Yes, yes it is.  I guarantee you no one graduates from acting college dreaming of delivering that line on film.

–        The trailer ends on an absolute high.  I will leave it to you all to watch instead of spoiling it, although I will say that I think we have 2014’s marquee Halloween costume idea already.

The trailer claims that zombeavers are the “next level of zombies”.  Based on what we’ve seen, it’s hard to argue with that.

Hesaidwhatnow? will definitely keep you posted of any zombeaver news.  In the meantime, if you come across any creepy dudes with guns, make sure you befriend him just in case.  And brace yourself for some double entendres.

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