Stupid Sports Quotes – American Football Edition

3 Feb

NFL Super Bowl XLVIII was played out yesterday between the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos.  The Super Bowl, of course, represents the absolute peak of football prowess (although maybe not yesterday, given the score line – yowsers).

Although few can match footballers for physical power, footballers can match few for intellectual power.  Which is great, as it means they provide some of the funniest quotes ever.  Enjoy the Stupidest Sports Quotes – American Football Edition.

“Defensively, I think it’s important for us to tackle.”Karl Mecklenburg, Denver Broncos linebacker, before Super Bowl XXIV.

An astute observation by a clearly cerebral player.  Sadly his successors on the Broncos forgot this bit of advice yesterday.

“I don’t care what the tape says.  I didn’t say it.”  – Former NFL coach Ray Malavasi.

“And even though you’re filming this, I didn’t say that either.”

“Most of my clichés aren’t original.”  – Chuck Knox, when he coached the St Louis Rams.

It is possible that Chuck is not entirely clear on the definition of ‘cliché’.

“He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his 1991 coach, John Jenkins.

You know you really have the coach’s respect when he lets you wear lipstick.

This guy has A LOT of respect.

This guy has A LOT of respect.

“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.”Former  player/announcer Terry Bradshaw.

Half of that statement is true.

“I don’t think there’s anybody in this organisation not focused on the 49ers… I mean Chargers.”NFL Coach Bill Belichick.

I hope he doesn’t make similar slips of the tongue when talking about his wife.

“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”New Orleans Saint running back George Rogers.

Rogers actually made 1,781 yards and won the Heisman Trophy that year (1980).  I guess 1,781 comes before both 1,000 and 1,500.

“I feel like I’m the best, but you’re not going to get me to say that.” Wide receiver Jerry Rice.


It's hard to be humble when you're standing in front of a jet and a sports car.

It’s hard to be humble when you’re standing in front of a jet and a sports car.

“You guys line up alphabetically by height.” Late coach Bill Peterson.

I would love to have seen the team’s attempt to comply with that order.

“You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”

Yep, coach Bill Peterson again.

“We’re not attempting to circumcise rules.”Bill Cowher, Pittsburgh Steelers coach.

I’m sure most of the players would agree that if it came to a choice between them and the rules, they would choose the rules.

“He’s about the size of a lot of guys that size.”Offensive coordinator Gary Crowton, on quarterback Cade McNown.

Whoa!  Meta!

“It’s a humbling thing being humble.”Former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett on seeing his stock drop before the 2005 NFL draft.

He may have received advice on humility from Jerry Rice.

“I used to have this slight speech implement and couldn’t remember things before I took the Sam Carnegie course.”

Bill Peterson, yet again.

“Don’t say I don’t get along with my teammates.  I just don’t get along with some of the guys on the team.”Wide receiver Terrell Owens.

I’m starting to get an inkling as to why he doesn’t get on with them.

(On whether, with his coaching staff, he could lead the Colts to the ‘promised land’.)  “It isn’t like I came down from Mount Sinai with the tabloids.”Former Indianapolis Colts coach Ron Meyer.

To be fair, I don’t think Moses did either.

Tablets!  Get it?

Tablets! Get it?

“I’m the football coach around here and don’t you remember it.”

Seriously Bill Peterson.  Just stop talking!

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”Commentator and former player Joe Theismann.

I think we’ve pretty clearly established that nobody in football is under threat of being called a genius.

One Response to “Stupid Sports Quotes – American Football Edition”

  1. Aston McConaughey February 3, 2014 at 10:34 pm #

    Some of those are just ridiculous! How did Bill Peterson communicate anything to his players?

    Keeping these quote ones coming, Hesaid guys!

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