Tag Archives: arnie

Arnie’s Best One Liners

30 Jul

When it comes to one liners in action movies, no one can compete with the Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger.  In honour of his awesomeness, and to celebrate his 66th birthday today, I’ve compiled the very best of his puns, wordplays, and wisecracks.  I couldn’t narrow them down to ten, so here are his fourteen greatest efforts.  Get in the chopper, strap yourself in, and enjoy.

"Hi, I'm Arnold.  Check out these great one liners from some of my moofies."

“Hi, I’m Arnold. Check out these great one liners from some of my moofies.”

14. Eraser

Eraser is a film that doesn’t immediately jump to mind when thinking of Arnie greats, but it certainly follows the usual format: action, some mandatory muscle shots, and of course, classic one liners such as this one.

Having trapped the bad guys’ limo on the railroad track, the vehicle gets demolished by the train with the requisite explosion.  Love interest Lee Cullen (Vanessa Williams) then asks Arnie for an update on their disappearing pursuers:

Cullen: “What happened to them?”

Arnie: “They caught a train.”

13. Commando

Commando is without peer for classic Arnie one liners, and features heavily in this list.  As a retired Black Ops Commando, Arnie is faced by a green beret called Cooke who is keen for a fight and a little trash talk.  A mistake on both counts.

Cooke: “You Scared motherf*cker?  Well, you should be, because this green beret is gonna kick your big ass!”

Arnie: “I eat green berets for breakfast.  And right now, I’m very hungry!”

12. Total Recall

Before Colin Farrell was running around as  Doug Quaid in last year’s reboot, Arnie was the man running around in the sci-fi mind trip Total Recall, and I for one can’t imagine anyone other than Arnie delivering lines like this quite so well:

Arnie: (Whilst killing the traitorous mutant Benny with a giant drill) “Screw you!”

11.  Eraser

To prove that his one liners aren’t reserved for human enemies, Arnie delivers this gem:

Arnie: (Shoots dead an alligator) “You’re luggage!”

10. Commando

Early in the movie, Arnie promises a low level thug called Sully that out of all the bad guys, he would kill him last.  Later, he interrogates Sully for information in the typically Arnie manner of dangling him over a cliff by his ankle.  Only when he has the information he needs does he give a one liner:

Arnie: “Remember, Sully, when I promised I’d kill you last?”

Sully: “That’s right Matrix!  You did!”

Arnie: “I lied.”

(Arnie releases Sully, who falls to his demise.)

9. Commando

Not stopping with giving Sully a quip before releasing him off the cliff, Arnie immediately backs it up with a rare one liner double play to love interest Cindy:

Cindy: “What happened to Sully?”

Arnie: “I let him go.”

8. The 6th Day

Set in a future where cloning humans is possible, Arnie confronts bad guy Michael Drucker, and sets him up for a one liner:

Arnie: “If you believe that, then you should clone yourself while you’re still alive.”

Drucker:  “Why is that?  So I can understand you’re unique perspective?”

Arnie: “No.  So you can go f*ck yourself.”

7. The Running Man

In this classic film in which people are forced into a life or death live TV game show, Arnie is challenged by a character named Buzzsaw who, surprisingly, has a chainsaw as his weapon of choice.  There’s only one way this can end for Buzzsaw – badly.  Namely being cut in half by his own weapon.  At least it resulted in a one liner:

Amber: “What happened to Buzzsaw?”

Arnie: “He had to split.”

6. Last Action Hero

A film within a film, Arnie plays a caricature of himself as the titular hero, Jack Slater.  Which means, of course, a few Arnie-esque one liners:

Arnie: (To a policeman barring his way) “You wanna be a farmer?  Here’s a couple of acres!”  (Kicks policeman in the groin)

5. Commando

Again, Commando comes through with the goods!  After killing a thug sitting on the seat next to him on a plane, Arnie gets the attention of the flight attendant so he can tell her this:

Arnie: “Don’t disturb my friend.  He’s dead tired.”

4. Predator

You can’t make a list involving Arnie action movies without including Predator (another Arnie film so good it was remade).  And you can’t make an Arnie action movie without a signature one liner:

Arnie: (Throws knife at bad guy, pinning him to the wall) “Here, stick around!”

3. Total Recall

Being married to Sharon Stone is not a bad thing, right?  Well, unless she’s trying to kill you.  The best way to defend yourself?  Be Arnie and hit her with a patented deathblow/one liner combo:

Lori: “Doug, honey… you wouldn’t hurt me, would you, sweetheart?  Sweetheart, be reasonable.  After all, we’re married!”

(Lori goes for her gun, Arnie shoots her through the head)

Arnie: “Consider that a divorce!”

2. True Lies

The climax of this action comedy finds Arnie in the cockpit of a fighter jet, a terrorist hanging precariously from one of the jet’s missiles.  There’s only one thing that could possibly happen in this situation: a one liner!

Arnie: (Launches the missile, shooting it into the terrorist’s helicopter) “You’re fired!”

1. Commando

What else could be number one on this list other than Commando?  After 90 minutes of classic Arnie where he delivers dozens of one liners and kills hundreds of bad guys, Arnie saves his best for last during the climactic fight seen with friend turned enemy Bennett:

Arnie: (Throws a pipe through Bennett)  “Let off some steam, Bennett!”

If you enjoyed that post, check out some more Movie posts here.

Terminator 2: Lock Up Your Vehicle

12 Jun

I was watching one of my favourite movies the other day, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and noticed something: a lot of vehicles get stolen. 

And usually, destroyed soon after.

I also noticed that most of the stolen vehicles fall into two categories.  The first is the very large and very strong variety.  A good choice in the event that you intend to smash through walls, drive over pesky cars obstructing your way, or deflect other vehicles crashing into you as though they were flies at a summer barbecue – all things that tend to happen when involved in a cross-timelines cyborg related adventure.

The second type of vehicle generally hijacked is that belonging to the police force.  This is a discerning option for those who like the ability to access police information or enter secure areas without suspicion.

Luckily for the characters, when a vehicle is required, the closest one available tends to fall into the above categories.  What are the chances!

And so now Hesaidwhatnow? presents a run down of the vehicles stolen in T2.

Warning: this post contains multiple spoiler alerts.  If you haven’t seen the movie, slap yourself, and then hop in a Skynet time displacement machine and go back to any occasion in the last 21 years in which you watched a bad action sci-fi movie and watch T2 instead.

Vehicle 1: Harley Davidson motorcycle.  Stolen by the T-800.

A great reintroduction to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s terminator, the T-800 lands in 1991 right next to a bikie bar.  After beating up a few tough guys to prove he’s still the baddest of them all, the T-800 steals a bikie’s clothes and Harley.

Arnie in a leather jacket sitting on a Harley?  Good look.  Luckily he landed near the bikie bar.  Had he have landed near a coffee shop he might have ended up having to steal bike pants and an unnecessarily high-end bicycle.  Or even worse…

I need your clothes, your boots, and your girly bicycle with the pink ribbons and the basket on the front.

Vehicle 2: Police car.  Stolen by the T-1000

With similar luck to his terminator cousin, the T-1000 happens to land in a quiet area by which a police patrol car happens to be cruising.  A quick slash of his weaponised hand later and he’s looking like a cop and accessing the police database to find information on John Connor.  In pre-smartphone times, that’s a handy bit of luck.

Vehicle 3: Semi-trailer.  Stolen by the T-1000

After John Connor threatens to get away from him on a mini-bike, the T-1000 needs to commandeer a vehicle to pursue him immediately.  What happens to drive by?  A giant semi-trailer.  Again, T-1000’s luck holds as he uses the truck to smash through concrete barriers and fly into a storm drain from an overhead road.  His luck momentarily runs out when it blows up, but I’ve got a feeling he’ll land on his feet…

Vehicle 4: Police car.  Stolen by the T-1000.

Again?!  The LAPD might have a few extra insurance claims this week.

Vehicle 5: Police car.  Stolen by the T-800, Sarah Connor, and John Connor.

Presumably sick of the T-1000 having all the fun, the good guys take a turn at swiping a cop car when they help Sarah Connor escape from the mental hospital and, more importantly, the T-1000.  The poor policeman who loses the vehicle also cops a face full of concrete pole, but he can still count himself lucky: it would have been a lot worse had the T-1000 taken his car.

Vehicle 6: Police bike.  Stolen by the T-1000.

Mixing it up a little, the T-1000 takes a particular fancy to one policeman’s motorbike and decides to take it for a spin.  Another lucky choice as we’ll find out shortly.

Vehicle 7: Station wagon.  Stolen by the T-800, Sarah Connor, and John Connor.

With no T-1000 on their tail, the good guys steal a beaten up station wagon to drive south of the border.  The second lamest vehicle on this list, although had they stolen another police car the audience might have started thinking that California is populated entirely by policeman.

Vehicle 8: S.W.A.T truck.  Stolen by the T-800.

That’s more like it!  With all the cache of a police car, but with the wall smashing power of a semi-trailer, the T-800 sagely swipes a SWAT truck to crash through the lobby of Cyberdyne Systems and rescue his human companions.  Added bonus: the truck contains useful goodies like machine guns, bullet-proof vests and, presumably, donuts.

Now, which police car can I steal next...?

Now, which police car can I steal next…?

Vehicle 9: Police helicopter.  Stolen by the T-1000.

Watching his enemies driving off in their SWAT truck, the T-1000 gets angry.  Not because his enemies are getting away, but because he has vehicle envy.  His solution?  To drive his police bike through the third floor window of the Cyberdyne building directly into the police helicopter hovering outside.  That’s called upping the ante.

Vehicle 10: Tanker.  Stolen by the T-1000.

The T-1000’s enjoyment of the helicopter is short lived, as the T-800 pulls off the classic ‘slam your brakes so the pursuing bad guy crashes into the back of your car’ move, destroying the chopper.  Another excellent benefit of a SWAT truck!  Forced to take the next vehicle to come by, the T-1000’s eyes light up (metaphorically – he is an emotionless cyborg after all) when he sees that it’s a tanker, a vehicle with high smashing capability.  If only he realised it was full of liquid nitrogen…

Vehicle 11: A beat up ute.  Stolen by the T-800, Sarah Connor, and John Connor.

Unfortunately for the good guys, when they take out the T-1000’s chopper, the SWAT truck’s wheel gets popped and they need to commandeer another vehicle themselves.  Having seen a tanker roll into the T-1000’s path, what are they presented with?  The lamest vehicle in the movie, a beat up ute with a maximum speed that is far short of what any of the passengers would hope for.  In other words, a vehicle good for nothing other than to increase the dramatic tension of the film’s climactic chase.  In other words, perfect.

So at the end of the film there have been eleven vehicles stolen, six of which were police vehicles: four cars, four trucks, two bikes, and a helicopter.  The lesson?  If you work as a police officer in the California area, make sure you have maximum insurance coverage.