Arnie’s Best One Liners

30 Jul

When it comes to one liners in action movies, no one can compete with the Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger.  In honour of his awesomeness, and to celebrate his 66th birthday today, I’ve compiled the very best of his puns, wordplays, and wisecracks.  I couldn’t narrow them down to ten, so here are his fourteen greatest efforts.  Get in the chopper, strap yourself in, and enjoy.

"Hi, I'm Arnold.  Check out these great one liners from some of my moofies."

“Hi, I’m Arnold. Check out these great one liners from some of my moofies.”

14. Eraser

Eraser is a film that doesn’t immediately jump to mind when thinking of Arnie greats, but it certainly follows the usual format: action, some mandatory muscle shots, and of course, classic one liners such as this one.

Having trapped the bad guys’ limo on the railroad track, the vehicle gets demolished by the train with the requisite explosion.  Love interest Lee Cullen (Vanessa Williams) then asks Arnie for an update on their disappearing pursuers:

Cullen: “What happened to them?”

Arnie: “They caught a train.”

13. Commando

Commando is without peer for classic Arnie one liners, and features heavily in this list.  As a retired Black Ops Commando, Arnie is faced by a green beret called Cooke who is keen for a fight and a little trash talk.  A mistake on both counts.

Cooke: “You Scared motherf*cker?  Well, you should be, because this green beret is gonna kick your big ass!”

Arnie: “I eat green berets for breakfast.  And right now, I’m very hungry!”

12. Total Recall

Before Colin Farrell was running around as  Doug Quaid in last year’s reboot, Arnie was the man running around in the sci-fi mind trip Total Recall, and I for one can’t imagine anyone other than Arnie delivering lines like this quite so well:

Arnie: (Whilst killing the traitorous mutant Benny with a giant drill) “Screw you!”

11.  Eraser

To prove that his one liners aren’t reserved for human enemies, Arnie delivers this gem:

Arnie: (Shoots dead an alligator) “You’re luggage!”

10. Commando

Early in the movie, Arnie promises a low level thug called Sully that out of all the bad guys, he would kill him last.  Later, he interrogates Sully for information in the typically Arnie manner of dangling him over a cliff by his ankle.  Only when he has the information he needs does he give a one liner:

Arnie: “Remember, Sully, when I promised I’d kill you last?”

Sully: “That’s right Matrix!  You did!”

Arnie: “I lied.”

(Arnie releases Sully, who falls to his demise.)

9. Commando

Not stopping with giving Sully a quip before releasing him off the cliff, Arnie immediately backs it up with a rare one liner double play to love interest Cindy:

Cindy: “What happened to Sully?”

Arnie: “I let him go.”

8. The 6th Day

Set in a future where cloning humans is possible, Arnie confronts bad guy Michael Drucker, and sets him up for a one liner:

Arnie: “If you believe that, then you should clone yourself while you’re still alive.”

Drucker:  “Why is that?  So I can understand you’re unique perspective?”

Arnie: “No.  So you can go f*ck yourself.”

7. The Running Man

In this classic film in which people are forced into a life or death live TV game show, Arnie is challenged by a character named Buzzsaw who, surprisingly, has a chainsaw as his weapon of choice.  There’s only one way this can end for Buzzsaw – badly.  Namely being cut in half by his own weapon.  At least it resulted in a one liner:

Amber: “What happened to Buzzsaw?”

Arnie: “He had to split.”

6. Last Action Hero

A film within a film, Arnie plays a caricature of himself as the titular hero, Jack Slater.  Which means, of course, a few Arnie-esque one liners:

Arnie: (To a policeman barring his way) “You wanna be a farmer?  Here’s a couple of acres!”  (Kicks policeman in the groin)

5. Commando

Again, Commando comes through with the goods!  After killing a thug sitting on the seat next to him on a plane, Arnie gets the attention of the flight attendant so he can tell her this:

Arnie: “Don’t disturb my friend.  He’s dead tired.”

4. Predator

You can’t make a list involving Arnie action movies without including Predator (another Arnie film so good it was remade).  And you can’t make an Arnie action movie without a signature one liner:

Arnie: (Throws knife at bad guy, pinning him to the wall) “Here, stick around!”

3. Total Recall

Being married to Sharon Stone is not a bad thing, right?  Well, unless she’s trying to kill you.  The best way to defend yourself?  Be Arnie and hit her with a patented deathblow/one liner combo:

Lori: “Doug, honey… you wouldn’t hurt me, would you, sweetheart?  Sweetheart, be reasonable.  After all, we’re married!”

(Lori goes for her gun, Arnie shoots her through the head)

Arnie: “Consider that a divorce!”

2. True Lies

The climax of this action comedy finds Arnie in the cockpit of a fighter jet, a terrorist hanging precariously from one of the jet’s missiles.  There’s only one thing that could possibly happen in this situation: a one liner!

Arnie: (Launches the missile, shooting it into the terrorist’s helicopter) “You’re fired!”

1. Commando

What else could be number one on this list other than Commando?  After 90 minutes of classic Arnie where he delivers dozens of one liners and kills hundreds of bad guys, Arnie saves his best for last during the climactic fight seen with friend turned enemy Bennett:

Arnie: (Throws a pipe through Bennett)  “Let off some steam, Bennett!”

If you enjoyed that post, check out some more Movie posts here.

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