Dirty Sounding Athlete Names – Baseball Edition

12 May

On our juvenile journey to one day reveal the ten dirtiest sounding names in all of sport, we’ve already had a look at ten of the worst offenders in the world of basketball. Today we continue our immature expedition by stopping off in the land of baseball to see what sort of dirty names we can dig up. Spoiler alert: lots. Here are eleven of the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it).

11. Randy ‘Big Unit’ Johnson

I don’t care if you’re 6’10” like Randy Johnson is, if your name is a dirty sounding declaration of your horniness, you don’t then also give yourself a dirty sounding nickname like ‘Big Unit’.

10. Ralph Pierre ‘Pete’ LaCock

Although then again, a sensible nickname like ‘Pete’ doesn’t hide the fact that you have a dirty sounding name, so you may as well go all out. At least having the ‘La’ makes it a little bit classy. Who are we kidding? It sounds like a porn name from the ‘80s. At least he didn’t have a dirty porn mo.  Oh wait…

"I've come to clean ze pool.

“My name is LaCock.  It’s French for… Well, you get the idea.”

9. Dick Padden

The Red Sox are both the team that Dick Padden played for, and what he presumably used to stuff his underwear in order to live up to his name.

8. Albert Pujols

If you just read Albert Pujols’ name off the page, you may not think it belongs on this list. But when you realise that the ‘j’ in this Dominican-American player’s surname is pronounced like an ‘h’, you’ll quickly see why.

7. ‘Cannonball’ Titcomb

Everything about this guy’s name is hilarious. Bonus points to his mother being named Fanny Titcomb.

6. Dick Wantz

Complete this sentence: Dick Wantz…? The answer…

5. ‘Pussy’ Tebeau

Charles ‘Pussy’ Tebeau: a right fielder who only played in two games his entire career, the punchline to a bad Dick Wantz joke, and a man whose nickname was both dirty and the exact opposite of the usual intimidating monikers of the sporting world. Fantastic triple play.

4. Dick Pole

Why don't these people just call themselves Richard?

Why don’t these people just call themselves Richard?

A former pitcher and pitching coach, Dick Pole wasn’t satisfied with just one name being a synonym for a naughty body part, so he went with two. You couldn’t find a more thinly veiled first name/surname euphemism double whammy.

3. Dick Cox

I stand corrected.

2. Johnny Dickshot

This guy was ahead of his time. He passed away in 1997 – a good fourteen years before Snap Chat was invented.

1. Dick Burns

Well, that’s your fault for not using protection.




2 Responses to “Dirty Sounding Athlete Names – Baseball Edition”

  1. Gary Trujillo May 12, 2014 at 5:15 pm #

    You forgot Rusty Kuntz! 🙂

    • Hesaidwhatnow? May 25, 2014 at 12:49 am #

      Don’t worry Gary – I think Rusty Kuntz might just appear in the top ten dirty sounding athlete names of all time…!

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