Arrest Me, I’m a Criminal!

10 Jun

It can be tough sometimes being a police officer; you not only have to catch the criminals, you have to make sure that there’s sufficient evidence to make an arrest.  Luckily there are also times when idiots like these Dumb Crims do the cops’ job for them, leaving so many clues behind that they may as well walk into a police station and ask to be arrested.

A few weeks ago, Brittney Sykes and Emma Westhusing robbed a credit union in Oregon, USA, and fled with $1370.  When they returned to their home, they discovered that they also had fled with a global tracking device that the bank had hidden amongst the stolen loot.

However Sykes and Westhusing didn’t know what the device was.  Initially they thought it might have been a dye pack, and spent the next few minutes testing their theory by throwing it against the wall and stomping on it.  When it didn’t explode, the pair was stumped so, as she told investigators, Sykes “went to a computer and searched the Internet to figure out what the device might be.”  Whilst they Googled the device, the police were closing in on their location.

Eventually the women panicked and wisely decided to get rid of the device.  Unwisely, they hid it in Sykes’ car.  When the police arrived shortly thereafter, they found the device and the loot, and two stupid crooks.

Whilst it is clearly pretty stupid hiding a tracking device in your car after you commit a crime, it is less stupid than bringing your own tracking device to a crime.  That is exactly what Los Angeles resident Wilbert Matheney did.  A registered sex offender, Matheney was ordered by the court to wear a global tracking device strapped to his ankle.  He then allegedly broke into a home and stole a laptop.

The victims, who were at home when the burglary took place, described the thief as having salt-and-pepper hair.  Neighbourhood residents told police that a man of that description often walked a small white dog in the local area.  When police discovered that a group home for sex offenders was also in the area, they looked at the group’s GPS records and discovered that Matheney was at the victims’ home at the time of the robbery.  When they knocked on his door, not only did Matheney indeed have a salt-and-pepper hairdo, but a little white dog ran out the door.  Maybe it was trying to escape his stupidity.  No word on whether the little guy had a GPS anklet of his own.

This idea didn't even occur to Matheney, which is how you become a Dumb Crim.

This idea didn’t even occur to Matheney.  Which is exactly how you become a Dumb Crim.

Not to be outdone was Stuart Gibbs, of Leicester, England.  A concerned neighbour called police after spotting two strangers in the garden next door.  When they arrived, the police found the men hiding in a shed, but no property had been stolen.  Luckily for the police, they found an outgoing text message on Gibbs’ phone, sent two hours earlier, that read: “I’ve told you 20 times – don’t ring me when I’m out robbing.”  Gibbs subsequently confessed to the attempted burglary.  At court he also pleaded guilty to dangerous driving, driving when disqualified, handling stolen goods and possessing cannabis – possibly by sending a text message to the judge.  He earned himself 18 months in jail.

But the winner (or loser, depending on how you look at it) of the Dumb Crim who ineptly assisted in his own arrest was Christopher Lance Moore of Texas, USA.  Moore broke into a home with the intent of doing some thieving, when he was confronted by the home owner.  Who pointed a pistol at his head.

Moore then fled from the house and into his car, but not before the home owner blocked him in with his own truck.  Effectively locked in his car, Moore did the unthinkable – he called the police for help, saying that “some guy has a gun on me”.  The police arrived and promptly arrested Moore.  It’s assumed that whilst waiting for the police, Moore phoned the IRS to report that he had lied on his taxes, and called his wife to tell her that he’d been cheating on her.

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